The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize