No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
