I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
