so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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