I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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