her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Everything about him screamed your future.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
