did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
