my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
