dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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