I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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