My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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