He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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