So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
