We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
