remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
