If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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