i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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