I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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