there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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