I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
