so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
