I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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