My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
