you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize