I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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