That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
