i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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