So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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