I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
