if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize