so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize