NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
