Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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