omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
