Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
