Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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