Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
