i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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