but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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