Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
