I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
