69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize