I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
