No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
