Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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