When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
