Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
