He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
