I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i think i have herpe
just one?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
