I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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