Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
