i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize