i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
