Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Are we still banned from the library?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How does one acquire holy water?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
