How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
