i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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