You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
