I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
