He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
